Nigel 
July 29th,2009
Sometimes it feels easier to keep going down
I’m not clinically depressed at the moment and most of the time this summer I’m not feeling emotionally depressed,but I have slid into a hole where I feel incredibly lethargic and there are very few hours each day when I’m with it enough to write.
I’ve been thinking about this recently. For some reason this state always catches me by surprise. I’m in it for a while before it dawns on me this is not how I want to feel,and that I can maybe do something about it. I’m thick like that.
The easy option,the route a large part of me is pushing for is to throw my arms up in despair,tell myself I’m going into a major depression,there’s nothing I can do about it,and enjoy sliding further till I hit the dark and lonely prison cell at the bottom. That would be simple,but there’s no particular reason to assume this is serious illness kicking in. Far more likely is that there’s been some change in lifestyle,or some (actually trivial) change in the environment such as it having been raining most of July here in the UK. Here are some thoughts on things I can change which usually help get me back to my normal functioning. Obviously if my body has fired off chemical messengers to bring on the more or less annual clinical depression then these things will help,but I have to be careful not to push myself too hard.
Invariably I’ve lost my usual work routine. For instance it can be tough getting going once more after a holiday. I need to gently but firmly ease my time of going to bed back to a time that works better for me. This means I continue to wake up at about the same time,but feeling readier for the day. Having a routine bed time also helps my body clock stay about right.
Then I gradually increase how much ‘work’I do each day. I’ve put ‘work’in inverted commas because I’m using the word to mean ‘stuff I enjoy doing when well which isn’t just a pastime’. At the moment I’m doing little writing,minimising gardening and stuff round the house,and avoiding completely things like singing and going into the loft and finding the psychology books I need to refer to for a future article.
Then there’s fresh air and exercise. Even mild depression tells you to avoid both. If you obey you feel worse so you feel even less like going out. I have to be quite firm with myself on this one. Once I’m out walking it’s not so bad,and each time I go I feel better. Mind you needing an umbrella ready for the next shower is rather off-putting this summer. Global warming may be giving Britain wetter summers 
Related to this is to notice when the sun’s out, drag myself away from playing Oblivion or Civ IV on the computer,and at least go and sit in the garden. This summer I’m also using my light box each morning because so many days are dull. By the way,in case you live with someone like me,be careful about trying to shift us outside. We may get ratty.
For me that’s usually enough. It kick starts me (to use a metaphor from my first motor bike). It takes an effort of will,but I just keep asking myself do I really want to go on feeling like this.
Coming up:what it feels like when a major depression is hitting me,and what I do then.
