So many people get hurt because they misunderstand what success is really about

I used to be a teacher,so often heard what ambitions young people have. Here are some of the sadder versions of ‘success’they aim for:

I’m going to be rich. But your parents are rich and they’re not happy. Ah,but I’m going to make far more money than my parents.

I’m going to be famous. For what? Does it matter?

I’m going to be a doctor. Why? You don’t like people and dissections in biology make you feel sick. Because that’s what my parents want me to be.

I’m going to become a life coach. Shouldn’t you do some living first?

I’m going to be Prime Minister. Is that so you can be the most powerful person in the country? Of course. And everyone else runs the country badly but I know how it should be done.

 And here’s the saddest thing:some of these young people grow up to achieve their dreams.

Later the fire would die down to glowing embers and we'd maybe chat while gazing at the sunset

 Recently I mentioned Jack Higgins who sold millions of thriller novels. I’m guessing he was successful in achieving what he set out to do. He found his dream. It did not satisfy.

I don’t think any of the goals listed above can on their own bring satisfaction.

You make your first million and then realise it doesn’t buy as much as you thought. You start to feel jealous of people with ten million,a hundred million,a billion. Research indicates there is almost no link between money and happiness. The exception is that it helps to have enough money to live without worrying about true necessities like food,clothing and shelter. In UK terms that’s maybe about £15,000 a year before tax. Probably less.

Joanne Harris,author of a string of best-selling novels including Chocolat,comments that when she started writing there was no shortage of people warning her about failure,but not one who helped prepare her for success. Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones comments that some people cannot handle fame;he says Mick Jones,an early band member,probably died young because of it. What is fame anyway? It’s the person behind you at the supermarket checkout ignoring you (the celebrity) and saying to someone else,“Hey,isn’t that <fill in name>”.

Some people become doctors because it is a respected and reasonably well-paid profession and that’s what their parents wanted. It can work out. If not then please please please can I have someone else treating me. There are teachers who chose the career because of long summer holidays. I don’t want them teaching my grandchildren thank you.

If we think of success in these traditional terms of fame,money,position,power,conquest,or an easy life then we also need to recognise that it includes the following:

• you’ll still catch colds and feel miserable,
• your top of the range SUV,BMW or Jag will still get stuck in traffic jams,
• it may prove very hard to make real friends and hold a loving marriage together,
• everything you looked forward to enjoying will probly turn out to be transient,and frustrating in its emptiness,
• later,unless you die early,you’ll get old and none of this stuff will matter anymore,
• one day you’ll die. What will they say at your funeral? Will anyone be there because they love you?

At which point you ask,hey,what’s the picture of a campfire got to do with success not working?

Actually it’s to do with what I think of as ‘real’success. Tell you about it in the next post.

This article is # 2 in the effective goal-setting series.

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