Nigel 
November 18th, 2009
I’ve been learning to live with chronic depression for over forty years, and this book has helped.
I lived with a chronically depressed dad, and reading this helps me make sense of my childhood and understand both my parents better.
Jenny, my wife, has severe attacks of depression which have no obvious cause. I cope using a range of strategies I’m still learning, and because I love her very much. Anne Sheffield’s book has rejuvenated my efforts to help and support Jenny, and has provided a wealth of useful information. Despite forty years of study I found this book a revelation. Thank you Anne.
During the eighties Jenny became frighteningly depressed with occasional manic phases and a brief period of mild catatonia. Over six years she spent two and a quarter years in psychiatric hospital making no progress. Most of the doctors either ignored me or treated me as an irrelevant annoyance. After a couple of years I was at my wits end trying to support Jenny, cope with my own depression, and look after our two sons. Someone at the hospital arranged for me to see a psychiatric social worker who came across as tired and distracted – certainly over worked. I asked if there was any way we could be helped as a family. “Are you asking to have the children taken into council care?” he asked. “Hell no!” I said. “In that case there’s nothing we can do to help. Good bye.”
A nuclear bomb doesn’t just affect where it explodes. When I’m badly depressed there is fallout. Other people suffer and have to cope. I’m very fortunate to have known so many people prepared to live with my mood swings – not least Jenny and the boys (sorry guys, we know you’ve been men for a long time but we can’t help thinking of you as our ‘boys’).
If you live with someone who is depressed you know exactly what I’m talking about. The trouble is that most people around you do not understand, and this includes a frightening number of medics. The situation is improving. Medics are better trained now. People are beginning to understand. But having someone close to you depressed will never be easy.
Anne writes with knowledge based on experience of being depressed and living with depressed people. She includes many true examples from people she knows and has interviewed. I think every aspect of the situation is covered, and the result is an eminently readable book full of useful information, great coping strategies, and hope.
If you live outside the USA then you do need to allow for a natural bias towards the situation and culture in the States, but that should be no problem. Inevitably there are sections which are incomplete or slightly biased, but that doesn’t matter. My experiences living with Jenny when she is depressed bear little relation to the scenario described by Anne, which makes me feel extremely fortunate and blessed. There are forms of talking therapy Anne is not familiar with. But her writing has expanded my understanding and clarified a lot of stuff that was scattered and confused in my head. The book was first published in 1998 so a few parts are now slightly out of date.
The book is aimed at anyone who lives with a depressive or manic depressive (bipolar) person. It has sections specific to you if the depressed person is a parent or a child. It looks at the differences between male and female depression, between child (up to about 25) and adult depression, and between different types of depression. It looks at the range of treatments available, both chemical and non chemical. It does all this using simple language and considerable human warmth.
Anne has not just based the book on her own experiences and those of people she helps at the Mood Disorders Support Group in New York City. She’s also gone to a great deal of trouble researching the facts, and has had her writing checked by medical professionals.
If you live with a depressed person buy and read this book, and keep it to hand for reference and encouragement.
If you are depressed then get this book for the person closest to you, and when you’re feeling well enough try reading it yourself.
Anne Sheffield’s related web site is here.