Nigel 
December 10th,2009
Bad memories can be tough to live with. Alcohol and other drugs feel like a solution but they are oh so temporary,and the side effects can be worse than the memories.
Have you ever watched a film in which a character has repeated flashbacks to some traumatic event in their past? Part of the story line is that the past is controlling their present. Believe me,it happens.
Fortunately bad memories can be controlled. Some interesting new research on this has recently been published and the BBC have reported on it here. (I think the researchers’web site is here,although I’ve yet to track down the original research paper. Let me know if you find a link to it. Meanwhile I’ll be studying some of their other research papers with interest 
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We all have memories we’d prefer to be rid of. Sometimes these are powerful forces distorting lives. For years my own memories of things that happened in my childhood (actually fairly mild emotional abuse) tortured me. They kept returning. They kept hurting. They kept telling me I’d never recover,never be normal,never achieve what I was capable of. Okay,so I still haven’t achieved that,but now I can relive those memories without pain,and without them manipulating me. They’re just part of who I am,and I’ve moved on from the bad effects.
Often it’s not the experience itself that damages us,but how we react to reliving it inside our head.
Some therapists believe in getting clients to relive trauma. I guess repeated exposure is supposed to dull the pain. That strikes me as a pretty hit or miss approach without clear objectives,although I believe it can work. My understanding is that this process on its own sometimes makes the memory even more damaging. Another danger is that incompetent (presumably uninformed) counsellors or interrogators can guide the process in such a way as to change the memories into what the questioner thinks they might have been. In fact it’s frighteningly easy to create false memories. Arthur Miller’s play ‘The Crucible’contains some great examples of this,but on a lesser scale we all do this all the time with our own memories. Usually it doesn’t matter. Sometimes it does. If we witness a crime our memories may well be not quite right,and careless questionning can distort them further.
A couple of thoughts here,based on study,training,and experience:
Firstly I believe it is important we retain the original,factual memory as something we can recall at will. The trick is to no longer be controlled by the mental images,but to be able to view them calmly,with hindsight. Probably the only experience we cannot learn something of value for this life from is death. I’m guessing that in the (Phelps Lab) research mentioned above the subjects were able to recall having been frightened by the chosen colour.
Secondly,it is relatively easy to create a second version of a memory. For instance I have helped a student make an alternate memory of a time when he behaved stupidly. In the new version he behaves as the older,more experienced him would have reacted. He has both memories,and is clear which is the historic truth. The other is a psychological truth.
Of course,in creating a second version we are not just reliving the original but reprocessing it in controlled ways within minutes,which is well within the six hour window Dr Elizabeth Phelps’team identified.
By the way,if you need help with a memory and so far no one has been able to help,consider seeking out a qualified NLP practitioner. They’re not all good,but they should at least have been trained in effective skills and techniques. Make sure he or she understands you wish to retain the original version undamaged and clearly identifiable.
