“I’m so embarrassed that I’m depressed. I daren’t let anyone find out because mental illness carries such a stigma”?

This week ’The Independent’newspaper produced a double-page spread about the shame and stigma of depression. The articles are here and here.

Apparently it’s okay to admit to depression if you’re a celebrity,but for the rest of us this admission can just increase our problems.

I guess I’m weird.

From the start I’ve been fairly open about my mental illness. I’ve not encountered significant problems that weren’t actually there because of the depression itself,as opposed to created by telling people. But yes,I’ve met enough ignorant and bigoted people that I do have some understanding. And I believe some cultures are far less sympathetic to mental illness than the one I grew up in.

Good morning world. My name is Nigel and I've suffered chronic depression these past forty years. I don't know it yet but three months from now the illness will force me to retire. Live with it. I can.

You’re just lazy

One problem is that of wilful misunderstanding. A friend recently mentioned that her father is quite sure there is no such thing as depression. He believes people who say they’re depressed are just lazy. Well thanks. So when I used to force myself out of bed at twenty to six every morning,fight intermittent desires to lose my temper or cry during the day,worked ten hours at school and then marking,and came home almost too tired to eat,I was just being lazy. Neat analysis. If my reasoning was that dodgy would I want people to know?

Yes of course there’s a laziness element in depression. Part of recovery is to develop ways of overcoming this learned lethargy. That needs its own article. But it may or may not be what most people think of as laziness. You might as well accuse someone with brain cancer of just having a headache. Yes,they may have a headache,but they may not,and it may or may not be caused by the cancer.

You and any doctors you consult are wrong!

Another problem is denial. “There’s nothing wrong with our family. We do not get mental illness.”

Fair enough. Presumably you’re immune to other illnesses too. Must be nice to never catch a cold or break a bone.

Come on,get real. Depression may or may not be inherited. All sorts of people contract it. There is no medical reason why someone in your family can’t become clinically depressed. And to say that none of your ancestors suffered depression is plain silly. How do you know? How far back do accurate records go? What about Aunt Ethel who was a bit of a character? Might depression explain her strange behaviour?

Mental illness is just too shameful

Part of the article Nigel Day wrote

When I had to retire early a friend at work wrote the valedictory article for the school magazine.  The editor,bless him,contacted me urgently to ask if I’d seen the proposed article. He was very worried that it contained information I would not wish to have published:it stated clearly why I had been forced to take ill-health retirement. We found this amusing. I used to give talks to years 10 and 11 about depression,using myself as a key example.

In the old days –most of the history of the human race –when depression was not understood it was interpreted in one of four ways. If you were in fact clinically depressed with faulty brain chemistry then one of the following must apply:

• you’re lazy –to be despised,
• you’re a nasty person –to be avoided,
• you’re mad –to be locked up,
• you’re possessed by an evil spirit –to be exorcised or maybe just killed.

It’s sad that now we have a well-publicised biochemical explanation,and medicines that usually help,people cling to the emotions which only made sense before modern understanding. Trouble is we’re not rational beings. We pick up these daft ideas so easily,and cling to them so fiercely whatever the evidence. It’s as if we think changing our understanding somehow removes a bit of who we are. I’d call it growing up,but there you go. Try to be patient with such people.

But…

There is no logical or scientific reason why depression should be shameful,although it is oh so understandable that we feel ashamed. However stigma is a social reality. If you admit to depression in a job application how likely are they to interview you? Obviously you’re unpredictable,unreliable. There’s no telling what you might do. After all,depression is one of those ‘mental illnesses’,isn’t it,and everyone knows one leads to another. You might even kill someone. That’s what you schizophrenics do isn’t it? (Er,no. Most schizophrenics are no more likely to murder than you are,though in your case I might be tempted. In any case I said I suffered depression and that medication has it pretty much under control. )

But there are opportunities depression may deny you,and this can feel both crippling and demeaning.

There are no hard and fast rules. People need to get to know you,and you need to get to know your own limitations,but actually that is true of everyone.

Next article I’ll describe what roads have been closed to me by my own depression,why,and how I responded.

PS

This is the 100th post.

I thought of making it something special.

I considered making key changes to the style of the blog.

I decided 100 is only a special number because we happen to have a total of 10 fingers on our two hands (thumb-obsessed people don’t quibble) so we count in tens,and a hundred is ten squared. If we had one arm with eleven fingers on it then we’d not think anything of a hundred but go crazy over 121.

You gotta pity us mathematicians

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