Nigel 
January 11th,2010
The winter makes me feel so lethargic and down
In the seventies a psychiatrist said my depression has a lot in common with hibernation in some other mammals. I’ve mentioned this before. I’ve no idea if the expects still believe that about some types of depression,but it’s a great metaphor,a great way of thinking about what’s going on,a great model to work with. Like all metaphors it doesn’t have to be literally provided it helps.
I’ve not been writing much lately because most times I’ve tried it’s felt like trying to run through foot-deep fresh snow (that’s a simile because I’ve made the comparison explicit by using the word ‘like’–and yes I have tried running through such snow,in my younger days). The problem has been that right now my mind and body are trying to hibernate (that’s the metaphor).
Maybe not the day to go for a long run in the park - probably feel like trying to think when depressed.
What does hibernating feel like?
Rather nice,actually. I’m thinking of the many times in the last month when I’ve gone to bed in the middle of the day and let myself relax,possibly with the radio on. If I don’t sleep it still feels good to drowse. I envy the real hibernators.
Trouble is most of the time my head and body are telling me to hibernate,but I’m not set up to do it properly. Hedgehogs have no problem. My metabolism fails to fully respond.
Normally I do a lot of reading,both fiction and non-fiction. Recently I’ve tired after just a few pages. I can cope with maybe two hours of TV a day before that loses its appeal. Anything physical is unappealing (the chemical systems are telling me to hibernate,and exercise might wake me up –perishing brain is nothing if not logical).
Getting started writing is much harder,and the results not as good. I write a section and realise it is not that interesting;I need to come up with a different approach,maybe some good illustrations (metaphors? photos?). But I can’t be bothered. And if I do try then the cog wheels in my brain scream out for lack of lubrication (metaphor with alliteration 
).
Sometimes I get going on some activity,but I’m far less likely to feel any pleasure from it. I’ve shifted from my normal atypical depression to a dysthymic state,which I find depressing.
So what do I do about it?
Decades of experience have taught me when it might be worth pushing myself,and when to stop worrying and go with the flow.
If I’ve also got some physical illness like a cold I know to take things more gently till those additional symptoms ease. This has become more important with age. Right now I have shingles,but am recovering nicely from recent chest and sinus infections. So today I tried writing this and it seems to be working.
Sometimes my head lies to me. I have got used to giving in to the feelings of lethargy. There comes a time when I need to try pushing myself a bit every few days just to check,and I know that one of those times I really will feel better once started.
I started today’s blog aware that I might need to take a break in the middle for a day or two,and that’s okay. I did not start assuming I wouldn’t finish. I did started hopeful.
It helps to let people and commitments jolly me into doing bits and pieces. I am tempted to get ratty when this happens,but actually it does me good in the long term to have to do a few things,to get out a bit,to have to meet people. I may or may not enjoy it,but it helps. We go out shopping. We have the occasional meal out. We visit with friends,but just not as often as normal,and we don’t stay as long. Real friends understand –partly because we’ve explained.
Getting some exercise most days is good too. Walking for quarter of an hour would be excellent since it would get me out as well,but it’s not attractive. Especially when it’s overcast,cold,raining or snowing. We recently bought a rowing machine,and five minutes on that is both bearable (most days) and makes me feel better. Jenny encourages me gently.
Then there’s the SAD light box. Theory is that lack of natural sunlight in the winter makes some people function less well,possibly by affecting serotonin production. A light box provides bright light with wave-lengths not available from normal artificial lighting. It’s much nearer to sunlight,though in my experience not as good. If the sun is shining I’m better off sitting in the front porch (a small conservatory) than using my light box,but otherwise the box is better than nothing. It makes a noticeable difference.
Ah,that's better. Even with your stupid light box half blinding me.
Here are some useful links if you’d like to know more (or just Google something like ‘sad light therapy’):
http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/LightTherapy.htm#which
http://depression.about.com/od/sad/a/besttreatment.htm
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/seasonal-affective-disorder-treatment/DN00013
Does light therapy work? Scientific evidence seems confused,but personally I do feel better when I use my light box. It’s worth trying,but do read the instructions. Do buy the right one for you. Do consult experts.
My own box is some dozen years old,large and quite heavy. It still works providing I replace the tubes at worst every other year. I’m thinking of trying one of the new generation of smaller systems,perhaps a blue light or LED one. Must read that up.
Having depression which gets worse most winters is not the end of life. Yes it’s another obstacle,but one that can be overcome. If you’re patient. And realistic. And you want to.
