“I need help. Tell me more about counselling.”

If you have a cliff to climb then a guide will probably help. Before leading people up this cliff I've explained a few basics to them. (Can you spot the climbers?)

I first experienced formal counselling in the seventies. Before then, influenced by TV and films, I thought it would involve lying down on a leather couch while someone in suit and glasses sat nearby taking notes.

Updated TV versions include Frasier (in Frasier, obviously), and the counsellor Don Epps is forced to see (in Numbers). Would you agree with me that Frasier the therapist is awful, but Don’s therapist is great?

This article looks at some useful things to be aware of about counselling. Later posts will look at the different approaches to counselling – obviously from my own slightly odd view point.

How can just talking make a difference?

If this worries you have a read of a previous post here on this topic.

How the counsellor relates to you

This can be of crucial importance, and usually affects the results.

You don’t have to like the counsellor and trying to be best buddies might get in the way, but you do need a good working relationship.

Obviously you can expect the counsellor to act professionally, but that shouldn’t stop them being friendly, accepting of you as a unique individual who matters, and trying to sensitively see your world as you see it. Aim not to judge the counsellor on first impressions; it can take several sessions to build up an effective relationship.

Guideline 1: if you don’t take to the counsellor after a few sessions consider looking elsewhere.

Guideline 2: if this means you’re switching every few weeks then the problem may be with you. You need to be committed to what you’re doing, and open and honest with your helper. Do you really want to change? If those questions make you angry ask yourself why.

How experienced should the counsellor be?

That depends on the method(s) being used and the exact nature of your problem(s). Obviously some things can only be learned from experience, but sometimes just having someone shrewd enough to shut up and listen is all that is needed. That requires no formal experience.

Do I need a specialist in one type of counselling?

Maybe. It could be worth finding someone first who can assess you and then advise. Some psychiatrists and some psychologists can do this for you, but be aware that some have no time for counselling.

I would suggest that whatever their special approach it is likely to help a lot if your counsellor knows parts of other approaches and is willing to use them as appropriate.

Guideline 3: ideally a counsellor has a range of tools at his/her disposal and is flexible in approach, adapting to the unique needs of the individual client.

Guideline 4: sometimes you really have to have the right tool for the job. Listen to expert advice, and if it is a specific type of counselling that is most likely to help you then go for it.

How long will it take?

If your problem is easy to define and you work at it some things can be fixed in a single session (bythe right person). However it may take many sessions to get at the root causes of your problems.

For instance it may be possible to weaken or remove a terror of cats in one session, but learning to control anger is likely to take quite a bit longer.

Guideline 5: It takes as long as it takes. But beware of the charlatan who extends treatment unnecessarily for some personal reason like wanting your money!

Does the counsellor do all the work?

Probably not. Assume that some effort will be required from you. At the very least you may need to talk about painful or embarrassing things. If you are unwilling to make that effort – with help and encouragement – then how is your helper to know what the real problems are? You need to talk. You need to think. You may need to learn new skills. You may be given homework to do either in the form of reading, or keeping a diary, or practising new tricks, or trying something new.

Guideline 6: expect to have to work hard at being a client.

Guideline 7: don’t be surprised if it is a traumatic experience, and don’t be surprised if you find yourself unexpectedly crying. It’s okay.

What types of counselling are there?

We’ll start looking at that next post. See you then.